2. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.
3. You’re like the end pieces of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.
4. You’re the type of person that uses their 3rd grade research paper as a resume booster.
5. You’re not simply a drama queen. You’re the whole royal family.
6. Did I hurt your ego? Do you want a kissy on your boo-boo?
7. They say our brains don’t stop developing until we reach 25; looks like yours stopped a bit early.
8. I don’t have any trash to take out today, but I volunteer you as tribute.
9. My heart was beating fast when I saw you walk in. I thought you were the monster under my bed.
10. You’re the reason the divorce rate is so high.
11. You’re like my fridge: always full of yourself yet offering an abundance of empty calories.
12. Don’t worry. Everyone makes mistakes. Your parents, for one.
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